You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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