apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
