I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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