i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
