So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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