Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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