I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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