theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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