I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize