i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
