you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
