Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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