when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
