Don't make out with my wife yet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize