I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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