please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
