The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize