i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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