The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Actions speak louder than pants.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
