good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
