apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
