The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Terrible idea I love it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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