so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize