why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
