My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
