i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
