wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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