my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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