never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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