so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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