and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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