I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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