as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
