If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
