i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
