Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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