I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
