It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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