you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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