i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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