Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
