i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize