She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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