ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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