I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize