forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
