you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
