apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
