we should wear snuggies to the strip club
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
