it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
