If i come over, it means nothing
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
