so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
