started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
