he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
