so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize