Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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