imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
