i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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