Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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