And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
