Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
