God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
