You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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