My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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