Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
time to smoke my breakfast
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
