Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
