Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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