You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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