I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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