He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize