Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
