i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
