there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
