i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
