Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
