Don't make out with my wife yet
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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