I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
