your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
