Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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