Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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(714): View more from California

my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!

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(949): View more from California

im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

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(713): View more from Texas

Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout

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(951): View more from California

He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.

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