ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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