when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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