I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
