Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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