Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
