I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
