just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
