are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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