my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
