see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
