Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
