I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
