God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
