im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
