this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
